Life is Short
by Just an Echo14
Summary: A Serenate fanfiction taking place after 5.10 and the car accident.  With the live's of their best friends in jeopardy all Nate and Serena have is each other to get them through.  And for Serena that might be too much. Rating T for now but that may change
1. Chapter 1

Life is Short

** Note: This fanfiction is a Serenate (Serena x Nate) fanfic so if you don't like them you should probably leave now. Small amounts of Chair and Dair but considering there is too much in those ships, anyways the focus will be Serenate and NJBC. Rated T for now but the rating might change based on feedback or where the story goes. This takes place directly after the midseason break when Chuck and Blair are in the hospital from their limo accident.

** Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any part of Gossip Girl but, if someone wants to gift me Chace Crawford for Christmas I would happily accept.

Nate sat with his head in his hands in one of the waiting room chairs. Not just anyone was in that hospital room but it was Chuck who was his best friend. And Nate had seen the whole thing happen. His cell phone rang and when he saw that it was his grandfather Nate just ignored it. He couldn't deal with him right now, not tonight. Then he heard another beep and double-checked to make sure it was just his grandfather leaving him a voice message. Instead it was a Gossip Girl blast about the accident. Nate threw his phone across the room and watched it hit the hard floor of the hospital. Serena had just walked into view to witness the outburst.

Getting angry like that was just not like Nate Archibald and Serena knew it. Then again Chuck had been closer to Nate than even Blair recently so who could blame him? She walked over to him; her heels making soft, clicking noises as she stepped. She sank into the seat next to him and, without saying anything, put her hands over his.

"I could've done something…." Nate said.

Serena pulled on his hands and forced Nate to look at her. His blue eyes were shining with unshed tears and Serena pushed past the fact that she had only seen Nate like this a few other times.

"No." Simple; one syllable dictated with such force that Nate knew not to continue with the self-pity.

"Nate it wasn't your fault. You couldn't do anything to stop it…to keep them from…. It was whoever sent out that Gossip Girl blast that's to blame."

Nate fought back the tears that were threatening to spill over. He wouldn't cry, not in front of Serena. Not in front of the one person who…Nate pushed the thought to the back of his mind.

"I saw it happen, Serena. The whole thing I just…."

Serena lifted one hand and wrapped it around Nate's shoulders.

"It's OK," She said quietly. She knew that he wasn't going to cry but she couldn't let him go. Out of habit more than a need for comfort she buried her head in Nate's chest and inhaled his scent. He always smelled like cologne mixed with grass though Serena was sure that the grass was just a memory from hanging out with him after his soccer games. She breathed in deeply and the scent instantly calmed her just as she knew that it would.

Nate kissed the top of Serena's head and moved one hand to smooth her hair. Any onlooker might thing that the two were reuniting after over a year of confused feelings and mixed messages but this was just how they were with each other. From a young age Serena and Nate had always been close and gestures such as cuddling or platonic kisses were just characteristic of their relationship. A relationship that was now tinged with other feelings that neither party wanted to admit to, especially not now. A relationship that they both relied on in times of need and one that they both had taken for granted so many times.

Serena removed her head from Nate's chest and looked up at him. She had to calm her heart as she looked into his endless blue eyes; Serena always got butterflies when she looked into Nate Archibald's eyes. She giggled a little as she averted her eyes and looked instead at Nate's phone on the floor. The once pristine iPhone was now cracked and had little scratches all over the back of it.

"You probably should have bought the case for it, like I told you."

Nate rolled his eyes but still smiled which had been Serena's whole point. "Yeah well I didn't expect that I would be throwing it anytime soon, I just bought it two weeks ago."

"Do you think…do you think he's going to be OK?" Serena asked quietly. She had meant to keep the question to herself but it had slipped out in a moment of honesty. She may be able to hide her feelings about Nate from him but the beautiful blonde had never been able to hide much else from one of her best friends.

Nate tried to smile but it came out as weary and somber. "He'll be fine. After all he's…."

"Chuck Bass," Both said it at the same time and couldn't help but smile.

Maybe Nate was right, Serena thought. Chuck was always a survivor and could pull through anything.

"He did get shot in Prague and lived," Serena said.

"Yeah he even managed to pick up a girl." Nate chuckled as he said it; it was so like his best friend to get shot and still manage to find a beautiful girl.

Serena broke Nate's thoughts when she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder. He felt his heart catch as she snuggled in close to him.

Being around Serena Van Der Woodsen always made Nate feel like he had a string around his heart. From the time he hit puberty and maybe even before that Nate had always lost his breath when he saw her. It was as though the string tightened as soon as she walked in the room and he could feel his breath hitch and he would always try to stay grounded. Serena just had that effect on people and Nate had never been an exception. Even with their sordid dating history Nate still loved her; he would never admit that he had never stopped. So he just wrapped on arm around Serena's shoulders and let her sleep and soon her rhythmic breathing helped ease him to sleep. Any onlooker would assume that the two were a couple and who could blame them? The two had always fit together well.

As Dan walked around the hospital he couldn't help but feel like he was all alone. Nate and Serena were wrapped up in each other on a couch in the waiting room with Nate's arm wrapped protectively around her. Though Dan hadn't wanted to be with Serena for a while, it still pained him to see that she belonged perfectly with someone else. She might have had a fit of jealousy over Blair's feature role in his book but Dan knew that they had never been soul-mates. Her heart had and would always belong to the boy that she had played with since kindergarten. As Dan continued walking he saw his father and Lily talking in hushed voices outside of one of the hospital rooms. Rufus was holding tight onto his wife's hands and she started to cry softly. Dan watched as his father pulled his stepmother in closer and held her. When he walked over to them and looked inside the room he saw Chuck lying motionless on a bed. It was obvious that the extent of his injuries was severe and though he was alone Dan knew that Blair would be there if she could. Blair Waldorf would be right by Chuck's side holding his hand if she were able, Dan knew it. He knew that on a day like today he shouldn't be thinking about himself but he couldn't help but think that, once again, he was lonely boy. Gossip Girl had been right all along in giving him that nickname and history proved that it could, in fact, repeat itself.

When Serena awoke she couldn't help but smile. After everything that she had done to Nate Archibald he was still always there for her and she wasn't sure that she deserved it. Nate always stood by her side and never judged her but she couldn't say she returned the favor. If only she could find a way to tell him the truth; Serena didn't run away from Nate because she didn't love him it was because she did and it scared her. With Dan it had always felt more like she was constantly chasing him; Serena was always explaining her past to him or trying to get him to see that she was different.

But Nate was different, from the time they were thirteen he had been chasing her. And, for a while, she had been content letting him. But then when he wanted to be with her she pushed him away: Blair wanted him and she wasn't so sure. Blair had always been unflinching in what she wanted while Serena had floated through middle school and high school content with everyone trying to tell her what she wanted. She hadn't realized that she honestly hadn't known what she wanted.

Of course after the Sheppard wedding Serena had to get away. Even if she hadn't accidentally killed someone she still would have left. The thought of being that close to someone who knew you that well was terrifying for Serena; she preferred the mystery that surrounded her name and person.

That was what had been so great about Dan; he wanted her and still knew nothing about her. She got to grow with him and be who she wanted without the fear of her past getting away. But when the past caught up to her she pushed him away, too.

The truth was Serena was ashamed. Dan had seen her dark side and that had failed but Nate had seen much, much worse. He had seen Serena at her darkest moments and had been part of some of them and that wasn't something Serena could take. She couldn't be with someone who was so much lighter than her and had so much less baggage. With her obvious daddy issues and substance abuse history Serena was a poster child for someone with all the baggage they could handle. So she took every excuse she could to stay away from the boy who she could never be good enough for: She used Dan, Tripp, her father, Carter…every one that Serena could find as an obstacle she used. And now here they were like old times and it terrified her. How he could care about someone like her was both wonderful and heartbreaking because she didn't think that she deserved it.

Nate began to stir and opened his eyes to see Serena. He had to admit that, even in the current situation this was the best sight to wake up to. But he immediately saw that something was wrong; Serena looked sad and lost and Nate was sure it wasn't just because of the accident.

"Hey, what's going on?"

Serena was startled by Nate's voice, "Nothing, I'm going to go check on Blair."

Serena got up and hurried off before Nate had a chance to protest. That was what Serena did though; she ran from him. To boarding school, his cousin, Paris: Serena was always running from Nate and he just wished that she would let him catch her.

Serena fled to Blair's room but, of course, the doctor wouldn't let her see her best friend.

"I'm sorry but we have to let her rest and take some more test before she's allowed any visitors besides family," The nurse said.

"But I am family! We're sisters."

"I'm sorry."

Serena turned around and walked away almost knocking over Dan in the process.

"Whoa, Serena, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, sorry for almost running you over."

"It's OK and no, you're not fine. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"My best friend's in the hospital, Dan! And so is my step-brother! And who knows if either of them will be alright or if Blair's baby survived or if it even matters if Blair won't. So no I can't say that I'm fine but I think it's pretty obvious what's wrong."

Serena stormed off to the exit and rushed outside. She couldn't breathe; was it supposed to be impossible to breathe? Serena didn't know if there was a way that someone was supposed to deal with her best friend being in a car accident. How could she handle this? She wasn't strong enough to deal with this if Blair didn't survive…or Chuck. She couldn't live without her best friends….

Nate saw Serena and Dan's fight and was tempted to follow Serena outside but hesitated. What if she didn't want him there and just lashed out again? Whatever had caused her to be so sad this morning wasn't just about Blair and Chuck. Was it about Dan? Was Serena jealous that Dan was in love with her best friend and not her? Either way Nate knew that he couldn't let Serena sit out there alone and, regardless of whether or not they were dating, they were still best friends.

Nate took off his jacket and laid it around Serena's shoulders before sitting down on the pavement next to her.

"Maybe we should call a car and take you home," He suggested.

Serena just broke down. Why was it that Nate always had to be the one to save her? If she was falling into a black hole she was sure he would come to save her but why? What had she done to deserve his friendship?

Nate pulled his friend close to him and let her cry. He loved this girl more than anything in the world, if he could just tell her. She was the world to him and he wanted to be her world. Instead he sat quietly and let her sob into his arms. When she had finished crying Nate helped her up and led her back into the hospital. He left her in a chair to go tell Lily that he was taking Serena home.

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I have to stay here with Charles and…just…thank you."

Nate nodded, "No problem, Mrs. Humphrey."

Nate knew that Chuck was just as must Lily's child as Eric or Serena and knew that she wouldn't leave his side. So he figured if he could take care of at least one of the Van Der Woodsen's that it was the least he could do.

** I hope I didn't butcher Nate or Serena too much but this is just my hope for what happens. Like I said, this fanfic isn't going to focus on Chair so the only major hospital scenes are going to be when Nate and/or Serena are there. I'm going to try to episode tag when the show returns from break but, until then, it looks like I have free rein over the storyline. Please review because feedback is always appreciated!


	2. How I Feel

** Oh my God, guys, thank you so much for the positive feedback! I will definitely update the story as much as possible and since my break starts in about a week I'm hoping on getting lots of updates in! Please feel free to leave any feedback you want and if you want to see something in this fan-fiction just let me know. I tend to get swept away in my writing so if anyone wants to see something happen just let me know and I'll try to work it in. As long as it's not a specific ship request or something, that is.

Also, I only wish that the writers would get Serena and Nate back together and use the accident to do so. If they could only see what we, the fans see which is that they are perfect for each other….

** Disclaimer: Still don't own any of this. I'm just the vessel through which the beautiful love of Nate and Serena is expressed. Just checking but would anyone happen to have the rights and want to give them to me? No? I just thought I'd ask

_**~Looks Like I've Made a Mess Again; Heartbreak Everywhere I Step~**_

The limo ride back to the Humphrey residence was quiet and brief. Serena had calmed down enough that she only sniffled occasionally and Nate was too focused on trying to determine what had upset her to say anything.

"Did Dan say something to you?"

Serena shook her head, "I'm just upset about Chuck and Blair, that's it. Dan was just trying to figure out if there was something else that was wrong."

Nate wanted to push the issue but decided against it. Even though he knew that it wasn't just the accident that was bothering Serena he wasn't about to get the wrath that Dan had gotten. Serena obviously didn't want to talk about what was bothering her. If they were together Nate would push the issue regardless but with everything that had happened between Serena and her father and, more importantly, Nate's involvement in it, he had learned to not push Serena to open up.

Serena didn't know what to say or do. She wanted to tell Nate that she was sorry for everything she had done to him over the past year but she knew that sorry would never be enough. Chuck and Blair's accident had made Serena realize that life was too short to fly around aimlessly and hurt people without care. She never meant to hurt anyone but, somehow, Serena always did hurt people; it was her M.O.

When the limo arrived at Serena's building, Nate and Serena both were lost in thought. They stumbled out of the cab and stepped into the elevator. Both remained silent for as long as possible but the unsaid thoughts that hung in the air prevented that from being too long.

"OK, I didn't wanna ask because I figured it would just upset you but what's really bothering you, Serena? And don't tell me that it's just the accident because I know you and it's not just that."

Serena inhaled sharply. She really couldn't hide things from Nate, even if she wanted to.

"I don't want to talk about it. Let's just go upstairs and hang out, like old times. I need a drink."

Nate had to stop himself from rolling his eyes but thought better of picking this fight right now. It was just like Serena to change the subject and act as though nothing had happened. But he also knew better than to start something he didn't want to finish because he hated fighting with Serena. So, instead, Nate just nodded and when they stepped off the elevator he got busy making drinks.

Serena slipped her shoes off and slid onto the floor. She wiggled her toes a little to bring the blood back to them; she had been wearing those heels for far too long. Most of all Serena tried to stop thinking about why Nate had backed off so quickly, it wasn't like him. Or at least, it hadn't been before. She shrugged off the thought and instead took the drink that Nate handed to her.

"So, what do you wanna do?" Nate asked as he slid down next to Serena.

Just as Serena was about to respond she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Serena set down her glass and stood up just in time to see Ivy or, as Serena knew her, Charlie Rhodes, walking down the stairs. Serena walked over to her cousin and threw her arms around her.

"Charlie, what are you doing here?" Serena asked as she pulled back. Seeing tears in her cousin's eyes Serena frowned.

"Aww Charlie! It's going to be OK, Blair will be fine. But I swear if I could find out who sent that Gossip Girl blast…."

"It was me!" Charlie blurted out. "I sent it to draw attention away from myself."

Serena was aghast, "Why would you do that?"

"Because it's all true! Everything Max said about me is true. How I'm not really your cousin; I'm just a white trash girl who wanted to be an actress her whole life. And your aunt gave me the chance to do that by pretending to be your cousin, Charlie. I didn't mean to hurt anyone but you guys cared about me so much and I just couldn't let go. I never had people who loved me like that."

Serena was shaking with anger by the time Charlie or Ivy, whoever she was, was through.

"Get out." She said. Her voice was dangerously low and had a more than just a thinly veiled threat.

"Serena, I'm…"

"Get out!" Serena screamed. Nate couldn't help but jump a little when Serena yelled; he wasn't used to hearing Serena sound so upset. As Ivy walked past Nate she looked to him for comfort but he just scoffed and looked away.

"Just go, Ivy," Nate said with as much venom as he could muster.

And so Ivy ran; tears were streaming down her cheeks as she took one last look at her former family before stepping into the elevator. She hadn't meant to hurt anyone with the blast and she wished that she could take it all back. She would give anything to be a Rhodes again and be a part of their family. But Nate and Serena had both turned their backs on her, just as Rufus had in the hospital when she told him. She would just barely be able to make it out of the state before all of Manhattan knew what she had done. Ivy knew that there was no way that she could ever step foot on the Upper East Side again. 

Serena sank to the floor as the tears spilled over once more. It was all too much before the duplicity and now, she just couldn't take it. She felt Nate's arms wrapped protectively around her and she buried her face in his chest as her body was wracked with sobs.

"God, Serena, I'm so sorry. I had no idea that she was lying this whole time and wasn't your real cousin…."

Nate didn't know what to do. He could handle convincing Serena that Chuck and Blair would survive even if he was unsure of it himself but this was unfamiliar territory. How could you comfort someone who had just found out that her cousin wasn't actually her cousin at all? How could you make someone feel better after being betrayed like that? Nate wished, more than anything, that Blair was awake and here. She would know exactly what to do and so would Chuck. The two of them would devise some sort of scheme to destroy Ivy forever and make her just a link on Gossip Girl. But Nate had never been the scheming type so he just held Serena as she cried.

Serena was so grateful that Nate was here to take care of her. She needed someone because it was obvious that she was falling apart. Her best friend was unconscious and the closest thing she had had to family turned out to be nothing more than a liar and a con-artist. The only person Serena had now was Nate, but at least she had him.

When the tears finally stopped flowing Serena looked up at Nate.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess."

"It's OK, Serena. You're allowed to be after all that's happened to you today."

Nate wasn't used to seeing this side of Serena. It wasn't often that Serena was this open and vulnerable with him; usually Serena would run straight to Blair if something like this happened. Then again Blair wasn't here, so Nate supposed that he was probably the next best thing.

"Thank you for taking care of me but I'm going to go change, I bet I look horrible."

Nate looked at Serena's tear stained cheeks. The mascara lines and the puffy eyes wouldn't look good on anyone else but Nate still thought that she was the most beautiful girl in the world.

"You look perfect, S," Nate said.

"Thanks, Natie."

Nate smiled as Serena got up to shower. It had been a long time since she had called him by his old childhood nickname and it warmed his heart to hear her say it. That was before the wedding when everything changed and before all of the things left unsaid had started to pile up. Back when everything was innocent and there were just Nate and Serena.

"_C'mon, Natie, don't be such a baby," A ten year old Serena exclaimed. Her long blonde hair was plaited into two pigtails and she was wearing a pair of white overalls. She was standing on top of the monkey bars at the park and taunting Nate._

"_Serena, get down! You could fall," Nate said. His blue eyes were filled with fear as he watched Serena walk across the monkey bars on her tiptoes._

"_Come and get me!"_

_Nate crossed his arms, "Please Serena, come back down here and we can do something else. Anything you want I promise."_

"_Promise?" Serena asked and folded her arms in front of her._

_Nate nodded. _

Even back then Nate would have done anything to keep Serena safe and close to him. And as she was upstairs showering Nate couldn't help but feel as though not much had changed since that day: the two of them were still close and he was still trying to keep her from getting hurt. More importantly he was still willing to do anything to make her smile.

Serena changed into a gray t-shirt dress and slipped on a pair of tights. She even double-checked to make sure that all of the make-up had washed off though she wasn't sure why. It was just Nate; he had seen her when she was drugged up and hung-over so she wasn't sure why her looks made such a difference now. She looked exhausted but her face was clear of any products so Serena threw her hair into a bun and walked down the stairs.

"Are you feeling better?"

Serena nodded, "I just can't believe that Max was right. I feel so horrible after what I said to him and he didn't deserve any of it."

"Even if he was telling the truth he was still trying to get money from your family. He wasn't a good guy regardless of the fact that he knew the real story behind Charlie…I mean Ivy."

Serena still looked downcast and Nate was determined to cheer her up.

"C'mon remember when we used to stay up all night watching movies?"

Serena gave Nate a small smile and it was enough to keep him going.

"What do you say we make it a movie marathon? We can just watch movies until your mom calls with news."

Serena nodded, "OK but you have to pick! I always ended up picking when we were younger and then you would complain that the movie was too girly."

"Well it's not as if watching _Breakfast at Tiffany's _or _Sabrina_ for the thousandth time is the best way for a twelve year old boy to spend his time."

"Hey, those were Blair's picks!"

Nate laughed, "Fine but this time we're watching action movies."

Serena smiled, "OK but nothing with…you know…"

Nate nodded. Nothing with car accidents was definitely a term that he could agree to. So the two settled on watching _Inception_ because that was a movie that could be seen multiple times and still leave you confused. A movie that made them focus on something besides their injured friends was just what Nate and Serena needed.

** I had to get rid of Ivy, she's such a bitch. That being said I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Feel free to PM ideas for other plot twists and basically just let me know if you think I'm doing alright. You're all so perfect and made me squeal as I read your reviews so thank you, thank you, thank you. Without readers this fanfic wouldn't be nearly as fun to write. The title of the chapter is from Kelly Clarkson's song "How I Feel" in case anyone cares.


	3. Chapter 3

** Thanks for sticking with me and sorry this update took a little longer but I've been going through finals and it's been not so great for my writing. I'm finally done with school for a while so hopefully updates will happen much faster. I love the positive feedback you are all so kind! Honestly I just really love Nate and Serena and to get to write a story about them is enough but having you guys enjoy it as well really is the icing on the cake. If you have any requests for fanfiction one-shots I would be more than happy to oblige; I watch a TON of TV shows (especially the CW) and I read some, too so if I know the fandom well and think I can write it OK I would be more than happy to write a fanfiction for anyone who wants to see a certain relationship, crossovers included. But, enough about me and back to the story!

** Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl but if I did I can tell you that Serena would not still be in love with Dan.

Halfway through their second movie Serena and Nate were both asleep. It had been a long couple of days and they were exhausted from all that had happened. They two best friends were snuggled together as they always had been as kids. Serena and Nate had had the easiest relationship of them all; their friendship came naturally and rarely had been shaken over their many years of knowing one another. Unlike Blair and Serena who had had their many ups and downs, Nate and Serena had a stable friendship that was rarely shaken. It was times like these, however, when they were the closest. Times when someone from their childhood foursome needed them. Blair had once said that they were the "non-judging" breakfast club and it had always held true. In times of good and bad the four of them had always been there for each other and this situation was no different. With Blair and Chuck in the hospital Nate and Serena had both decided, independently, to take care of the other. Of course it seemed more like Serena was the one being taken care of but taking care of Serena had always made Nate feel better. It was just like old times when they had helped take down Georgina and Poppy.

Serena was first to wake and when she saw Nate sleeping peacefully next to her she smiled. Even though Nate rarely displayed outbursts of emotion she knew him well enough to know that he was far from OK. She felt guilty for falling apart all over him again but at the same time was grateful that he was there for her after what had happened with Charlie. Even though Charlie wasn't actually Charlie and was some random girl named Ivy, Serena still couldn't bear to call her Ivy. Ivy had been her cousin; if not by blood then at least by relationship. She was hurt and angry but Serena couldn't deny the fact that Ivy had been family.

Serena's thoughts were disrupted by the ding of the elevator. Serena walked over to the elevator and, as the doors were sliding open she saw Dan's face appear. He looked as though he hadn't slept much in the past two days and Serena couldn't blame him. She knew that he was in love with Blair and the loss of her to Chuck followed by the accident must have been devastating. Still, Serena couldn't help the jealousy she felt; Dan had always been and would always be her first love. There was a time when she had thought the two of them belonged together but she couldn't be certain of anything, anymore. She looked back at Nate and tiptoed over to Dan careful not to awaken her sleeping friend.

"Dan what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if you were OK and…is that Nate?" Dan peeked over Serena's shoulder at the sleeping form on the couch and Serena side-stepped to block his path.

"Can we talk upstairs I don't want to wake him up," Serena whispered.

"What were you two doing, exactly?" Dan asked.

Serena hated the judgment that she could hear oozing from Dan's voice. He had no right, she thought. He had made clear that his affections lie elsewhere so it wasn't his place to make judgments on who she was spending her time with.

"Nate took me home and we fell asleep watching a movie."

Serena began to walk up the stairs and into her old room whereupon she closed the door once Dan was inside.

"Are you OK? When you left the hospital you were really upset and you yelled at me."

Serena wasn't sure how to respond. On the one hand she had been very upset and really, Dan hadn't deserved her wrath. She wasn't mad at him; she was furious with Gossip Girl. On the other hand, Dan had already come in her home and practically accused her of doing something wrong.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you I was just upset. It wasn't your fault but Gossip Girl…I just wish that I could find out who she was and destroy her for good."

"You think Gossip Girl had something to do with the accident?"

"Of course she did! She was the one who posted the information about Chuck and Blair and that was what caused the paparazzi to follow them."

"Who sent the blast to Gossip Girl?"

"It was Charlie or…not really. I mean it was but Charlie isn't actually Charlie. She's a girl named Ivy pretending to be Charlie Rhodes."

Dan was aghast, "What?"

Serena nodded and fought back the tears. The betrayal was still very fresh and difficult to even think about. What else had Ivy done to hurt her friends?

Dan put his arm around Serena in an attempt to comfort her but it felt strange. Something had changed between them since the day his book had been published and Dan couldn't quite figure out just what that something was. He thought maybe it had something to do with jealousy but didn't want to say it aloud; after all, accusing Serena Van Der Woodsen of jealousy had never gone over well the past few times he had done it. So he discretely removed his arm and stuck both hands in his pockets to try and escape the awkwardness.

"Is there anything I can do? I mean I know that you have Nate and all but I'm here for you, Serena."

"What about you, are you OK? I know that you love her, Dan, we don't have to pretend that that doesn't exist."

Dan shrugged off her concern, "I'm alright really. She didn't belong with me anyway, she always knew. And the doctors say that she'll be fine, they're going to check on the baby once she wakes up. It's Chuck that they're not so sure about…."

Serena nodded, "I should probably get back down to the hospital."

Suddenly Serena remembered something, "Oh my God, Louie! Does he know? Did someone call him?"

"I don't honestly know. With everything that's happened I guess everyone forgot that they were still technically engaged."

"I have to call him! Even if Blair wants to end things with him he still deserves to know; it is his child."

Dan nodded, "So you're OK?"

Serena nodded even though she wasn't so sure. Dan looked like he had enough to worry about without having to take care of her and in light of recent weeks Serena had been trying to rely on him less. She wanted to try to look at him as what he was to her and would probably remain: her step-brother. And while she could rely on him as a step-brother she knew that without distance and time for her to get over him completely she would end up doing something that was very unlike something that a step-sister would do.

"You should get some sleep, Dan. And tell Nate where I went if he asks I'm sure he'll want to see Chuck if he can. Are they allowing visitors, yet?"

"Well Blair's parents just got in and once Blair wakes up the hospital says that they'll allow non-family. I didn't ask about Chuck though, sorry."

Serena hadn't expected him too if she was being honest. There was no love lost between Chuck Bass and Dan Humphrey, especially in light of recent events. So as Dan went to his room and Serena headed downstairs she couldn't blame Dan for not having been overly concerned for Chuck's well-being.

Serena got to the hospital and immediately found Eleanor Waldorf. She was trying to hold it together but it was apparent that Blair's mother was far from alright. Serena wrapped her arms around Blair's mother and silently comforted her. When she loosened her grip around Eleanor she gave a weak smile.

"Thank you, dear. She's going to be alright and she's awake if you want to see her. Her father's in there now but I'm sure she would love to see you."

Serena nodded and headed over to Blair's hospital room. Blair didn't look great but she was at least awake and seemingly alright. When her eyes found Serena she smiled and tears began to fill Serena's eyes. She rushed forward and tenderly hugged her best friend, even as she fought back the urge to start crying. Blair was alright…her best friend was going to be OK.

"Blair I…" Serena didn't know what to say but Blair didn't mind. She knew what Serena was thinking and was just grateful to have her friend at her side.

"Chuck?" Blair asked. Her voice was hoarse and weak and Serena wished that she could give her friend some comfort but, unfortunately, news of Chuck had been bad, so far. He was in surgery right now and Serena told Blair that.

"What about you…and…" Serena couldn't bring herself to ask about Blair's unborn child and Blair shook her head sadly.

"The baby…it didn't make it through the crash," Blair said and burst into tears. Harold had quietly slipped out of the room when Serena embraced her friend again; he had already heard about the miscarriage and knew that Serena would be a greater comfort right now then he would be. He was just thankful that his daughter was alive and allowed the two best friends to be alone.

"Blair, I'm so sorry. I thought you were…I just don't know what I would do if you…"

Blair nodded as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She hadn't ever felt prepared for the prospect of having a baby but now that she wasn't going to the loss was immense. That and the unknown status of Chuck were too much for her weak state and she fell asleep in Serena's arms just grateful that the girl she had known her whole life was here.

When Nate woke up and noticed Serena was gone he went upstairs looking for her and found Dan instead.

"Hey, man, how are Blair and Chuck?"

"Blair's OK and Serena just texted to say she's awake but Chuck's in surgery right now."

So Serena was at the hospital…Nate figured that was where she was but he was surprised that she hadn't texted him. After all Chuck was his best friend and he had known Blair since they were little.

Dan read the disappointment on Nate's face as sadness over his friend's unknown status.

"Hey, man, I'm sure Chuck will be fine. He's Chuck Bass, he'll pull through."

Nate forced himself to smile, "Yeah, he will be, I'm sure. I'm headed to the hospital did you want to come?"

Dan shook his head, "No I'm gonna stay here for a while."

Nate nodded and headed downstairs and back to the hospital. He couldn't help but check his phone as the car headed over just to see if Serena would text him. But the only new texts he had gotten while asleep were from journalists as the paper and one from Charlie saying that she was "sorry". Nate deleted the last one and tried to ignore the fact that Serena had chosen to update Dan and not him. It wasn't as if it should bother him; after all, Serena and Dan had always been close and Serena had told Dan she was at the hospital. Still Nate had been hopeful that, just this once, she would choose him over Dan Humphrey.

** No Serenate in this chapter mostly because I'm trying to find a way of closing the Dan chapter and not totally mess up the current plots (since for some reason the GG writers keep putting Derena together). So I hope you guys keep reading because I have some good stuff in mind for Serenate coming up! R&R, please


	4. Long Gone and Moved On

**I don't own any of the rights to Gossip Girl or its characters, just saying

**~ So how'd you pick the pieces up; I'm barely used to saying me instead of us. The elephant in the room keeps scaring off the guests. It gets under my skin to see you with him and it's not me that you're with~**

Serena tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and sighed. It was the same, sorrowful sigh that she had been trying to keep in and now, with Blair asleep, it escaped. She had managed to slip off of Blair's bed and was walking around the hospital aimlessly. There was nowhere else she wanted to be and yet she could think of a million places where she would rather be. Instead, Serena pored herself into the task at hand: destroying Gossip Girl. It had been awhile since she had really put any thought into this; between the accident and comforting Blair Serena had barely had time to think of what to do.

She was just about to brainstorm when she saw Nate coming down the hall.

"Nate, hey," Serena said with a smile. She controlled the soft flutter that she felt and filled Nate in on everyone's conditions.

"So, what can we do?" Nate asked. He was trying to remain entirely platonic but, around Serena, that was hard to do. He knew that the feelings he had for her, the feelings he always had for her, weren't mutual anymore. But that wasn't Serena's fault; she had moved on easily, as always. He found his thoughts drifting to Ivy and wondering if he could have moved on, too, if Ivy really had been Charlie Rhodes. Sure, Nate had had girlfriends after Serena but they had always been short-lived flings. Ivy had been the first person that he had had any sort of real feelings for and she was gone.

"Nate, are you listening?" Serena asked with a twinge of annoyance in her voice. She wasn't used to Nate spacing out on her; Dan, maybe, but never Nate.

"Yeah, sorry I guess I got lost in my head," Nate said.

"Well, I was saying that maybe you could help me brainstorm ideas to take down Gossip Girl? For Blair and Chuck, and all of the other people she's hurt."

Nate nodded half-heartedly but Serena didn't seem to notice. She was glad to have a partner in crime that wasn't Dan. She had made the decision, after talking to Blair, to move on. Dan had certainly moved past the idea of them being soulmates and so could she.

For hours the two tried to come up with any way to take down Gossip Girl but to no avail. It seemed like every time Serena would come up with something, Nate would shoot it down and vice versa.

Frustrated, Serena leaned her head back and moaned.

"Why don't we take a break, maybe get some food? Hospital food is crappy but it beats this," Nate said with a smirk.

Serena smiled, "Yeah, OK." She felt the butterflies again and tried to ignore them. As usual it seemed like Serena never knew what she wanted. Did she want Dan or Nate; even she didn't know the answer to the question she constantly faced. She had loved Nate forever but being in love with him had been more frightening than anything Serena had faced. And now it looked as though tragedy would bring the two back together again.

"Nate?" Serena said quietly.

"Yeah?"

"This is nice, the two of us, hanging out together. It's like old times."

Which old times? Nate wanted to ask. The times when we were in middle school and just friends or when we were dating, two years ago?

"Nate?" Serena asked again.

"Yeah, it is nice, Serena," Nate said. He didn't know what else to say, really. Why was everything between them complicated whenever there was no one there to act as a buffer? Whether it was Chuck this summer or someone else, Nate and Serena hadn't really spent time together, just the two of them, since they broke up.

**~ I still don't know how to act or know what to say, still wear the scars like it was yesterday.**__

They ate in silence, each person contemplating what was happening. The old feelings that were stirred up, even in a simple setting like lunch, were overpowering. Just as Nate was about to address the issue, Lily walked in.

"Chuck's out of surgery and he's awake," Lily said.

Serena abruptly stood up from her chair and hugged her mom, "Really? That's great! Does he know?"

Lily shook her head, "No one's told him about Blair and the baby. Louie's talking to her now so I guess we'll see."

'_How much did Lily know?_' Serena wondered. Surely she had put two and two together about Chuck and Blair but did she know that Blair was ending things with Louie? Or would she even end things now, after the accident?

"Can we see him?" Nate asked.

Lily smiled and nodded, "He's very groggy and confused but that's to be expected. Just, be gentle and don't tell him anything, let him and Blair sort it out."

Nate nodded and touched Serena's arm softly. The two of them headed toward Chuck's room and somehow, on the way there, Serena had found Nate's hand. She intertwined her fingers with his and took in a shaky breath, completely unsure of what she was doing or even why. All she knew was that she needed the comfort; Serena could think about what she meant when everything had settled down a bit.

**Sorry this took forever and isn't very long. I wanted to set it up for the most recent episode (which I haven't seen yet so no spoilers) and, even though this will become AU because I doubt Nate and Serena get together (sigh), I want to try and keep the story running at least a little parallel to the show. Also, if anyone has ideas for getting Nate and Serena "officially" together, shoot me a message because I'm playing with a couple of thoughts but any input would be great. Once I watch the newest episode I'll add another update so that should be within the next few days, I hope.

**The bolded quotes and the name of the chapter is the song "Long Gone and Moved On" by The Script, in case anyone was wondering.


	5. Hallelujah

**~ Well your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof: her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you.~**

It had been weeks since Blair and Chuck's accident. Since Serena had really thought about anything. She poured herself into her work for The Spectator and maintaining a professional relationship with Nate. But she found her thoughts lingering. Why couldn't she stop thinking about Dan? And what was going on with Blair? When Dan stopped by asking about Blair, Serena felt a hole in her stomach. She didn't still have feelings for Dan, right? Just like she was completely over Nate, or so she told herself. The two of them worked together and, considering how messed up everyone else's lives were it was nice for Serena to have one person to rely on who was simpler.

But the more Nate and Serena were spending time together the more Serena realized that she still had unresolved feelings for him, just like she did for Dan. Only, with Nate, she didn't feel pangs of jealousy whenever she thought of her best friend. When had life gotten so complicated and when did Dan go from despising Blair to being in love with her?

Serena tried to push her thoughts aside as she asked Dan who should be the biggest transformation in her yearend review.

"Uh…how about you?" Dan asked

Serena smiled and felt an all too familiar lump in her throat. Dan didn't see things the way she did; when he said something like that it was purely as a friend but she always read more into it. It was such a turnaround from when he was the one hopelessly in love with her and she had no idea.

When Serena mentioned that she was dateless for New Years, she had been hoping for more of a response. Instead all she got was an inquiry about Blair, of course. Serena bit back her disappointment and instead focused on her worry for her best friend. Blair had been withdrawn ever since she lost the baby and went back to Louie and Serena still couldn't figure out why she had chosen the prince. She was clearly in love with Chuck and it pained Serena to see her friend making such a mistake.

It was the same way Serena felt about her choices with Dan and Nate. She had played with both of them and lost both of them, possibly for good. As if by some sort of fate, Nate came out of the elevator.

"Nate hey, I'm sorry, I'm almost ready."

Serena closed her laptop and her thoughts and listened to Nate poke fun at Dan and his novel. There was an edge to his voice that Serena hadn't noticed before.

**~ And she tied you to her kitchen chair: she broke your throne, she cut your hair and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah.~**

Nate was trying really hard to forget about Serena and the lingering looks she continued to give Dan. After spending weeks together working at The Spectator, Nate had hoped that she would see what he saw. He hoped that she would see how well the y worked together, like two puzzle pieces. He had even thought that maybe, just maybe, she would forget about Dan and realize that he was right there and that he cared about her. Dan cared more about Blair and Nate could tell that he was being cagey about it, probably because Blair had gone back and forth from Chuck to Louie without giving Dan a second thought, past their one kiss. Meanwhile, Dan had written a book practically professing his love for her; it was strange that Nate and Dan shared that in common, the inability to stop loving people who didn't feel the same. But from the look on Serena's face as she looked at Dan, Nate could tell that all three of them were in the same boat.

When Serena joined Nate in the mutual teasing of Dan and his novel Nate knew she was trying to lighten it up a little. Nate had never been good at masking his emotions and, right now, all he wanted to do was make fun of Dan. But Serena was on Dan's side, not his, and she probably always would be.

Back at the office, Serena listened to Nate scold her over not reading the blasts she was being sent. She didn't want to be the new gossip girl and she certainly didn't want to read dirt on her closest friends. What if she saw something in there that confirmed her doubts about Blair? Or something about Dan and Blair together? Serena couldn't handle the thought of finding information that would hurt her or someone she cared about, not again.

"My blog is about my life, not using information to hurt people."

Serena didn't understand why Nate didn't get that. She refused to be like Gossip Girl in any way and reading those blasts was one step closer to becoming the next Gossip Girl.

Serena rolled her eyes when Nate suggested she actually read the blasts. What would that make her? She couldn't take back all of the bad stuff these people were sending her but reading it would make sure that she would never forget it. Serena just hoped that if she ignored the emails they would dissipate and Gossip Girl would stay gone forever.

Nate was frustrated with everyone lately. Dan was stringing Serena along with his meaningless flirting when all the while he was in love with someone else. Blair was doing what only God knew by marrying Louie and leaving Chuck to deal with the fallout of losing her again. And Serena well, she was so busy trying to not be other people that she was missing what was right in front of her: The opportunity to take over as Gossip Girl and take her down, for good. Nate wasn't sure when he had become the only one who knew what they wanted but he was getting tired of waiting for it. Then again, he would never rush his feelings for Serena, whatever they were. He knew they were always there bubbling beneath the surface but Nate wasn't about to declare those feelings aloud until he was sure they would be reciprocated because he couldn't take another heartbreak at the hands of that beautiful blonde.

All throughout Nate's meeting he kept thinking about what he wanted. He knew that his feelings for Serena were as real as ever but he also knew that more than anything, he wanted her to be happy. And, for now, that meant taking down Gossip Girl. He could focus on helping her see what she was missing with him once Gossip Girl was gone.

Then the text messages came and Nate's world was rocked again. The paparazzi weren't to blame for Chuck and Blair's accident? Then who was? Nate's thoughts lingered on the sender of the texts: who could it be? Nate had no idea who could be texting him but, one thing was certain: as a journalist he was going to make it his mission to find out.

**~ Well, maybe there is a God above but all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya.~**

It looked as though Serena wouldn't need the blasts to find out the truth behind Dan and Blair. Still, even after Chuck showed her a picture, she refused to believe that the two of them were together, together. After all Dan was a lot of things but he would never sneak around behind everyone's backs, would he? Serena was beginning to wonder if she knew Dan at all, anymore. He was hiding things and being secretive about everything and Serena was hurt that he no longer confided in her. After all she had cried on his shoulder when her dad had left and she had decided to leave with him when her family was trying to put her into rehab. And now, when he had secrets, he wasn't willing to tell her anything. Serena knew that they hadn't been together for a long time but she still was hurt that he didn't trust her anymore.

Before she could continue dwelling on Dan, Chuck and Louie once again brought up the subject of the blasts. Exasperated with everyone for trying to make her look at them, she thrust her laptop into their hands and told them to have at it. She didn't care what anyone did anymore; she decided to focus solely on helping Blair recover from her loss.

As the night dragged on and Serena learned the truth about Blair and Dan, she felt a weight coming off of her shoulders. So her best friend and her ex-boyfriend weren't having an affair; that was good. Still Serena was jealous that the two of them had had this whole other secret going on without her, a secret that was obviously crushing Blair.

So when everyone asked Dan what he was doing with Blair, Serena covered and said that they were together. It seemed like the only way that she could stop Chuck and Louie from finding out about Blair's "pact" or "promise" or whatever she was calling it. She looked at Nate and quickly looked away, unable to take the pain she saw in his eyes. She tried to convince herself that he was just upset that she had been keeping something from him when they had gotten so close the past few weeks. That was the only reason she felt guilty too; she didn't like keeping secrets from Nate. The pang of guilt she felt when she knew that she was hurting him had nothing to do with the unresolved feelings she had, or so she told herself.

**~ Love is not a victory march it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.~**

Nate could scarcely believe it. All this time he had thought Dan was playing Serena when really he was the one being played. All the late nights in the office, the long talks about the way things used to be and Serena had been seeing Dan the whole time. It was worse than the feeling of knowing that she didn't feel the same; the betrayal cut deeper than any heartbreak Nate had felt in a long time. It wasn't as though he could do anything to stop it, though: Serena loved Dan and apparently he felt the same.

So he had to bury his feelings, at least for now. But then he looked at Blair and Chuck and how they were burying their feelings. And how Dan was in love with Blair, or at least he had been. Hiding your feelings didn't get you anywhere, not in this place. So it was right then and there that Nate knew what he had to do: He had to tell Serena the truth. That he would always be in love with her and that Dan was not the right guy for her. Nate was always there for her; he knew kept secrets from her and he never tried to hide from her. So all of the unanswered questions of why Serena had also seemed so out of the loop slipped from Nate's mind as he resolved to finally confront his unanswered questions.

As Nate learned of the cut brake line on the limo Chuck and Blair were in he forgot all about his resolve to tell Serena. Or, rather, he forced it from his mind to focus on the real issue: why would someone have purposefully cut the brakes to hurt Chuck and Blair? As he was standing on the periphery of the party thinking about this, he saw Serena and Dan. She looked…happy. And, for now, Nate had bigger problems. Even though his heart was aching and he was hurting with his feelings, someone had tried to kill two of his best friends. And that took preference over his broken heart. So as he walked away from Serena and Dan's kiss and into his office, he didn't notice the two both looking not at each other but at lost loves: Dan at Blair and Serena at him.

**~ And it's not a cry that you hear at night it's not somebody who's seen the light it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.~**

Serena didn't feel what she knew she wanted to feel. She wanted to feel like she and Dan were connecting again, romantically. She wanted to feel the searing passion they had first felt when they were together and, again when they were in the elevator those many years ago. Now the kiss was half-hearted and when they pulled away, Serena saw Dan searching for Blair, just as she felt herself yearning to find Nate. She wanted to apologize for all of it and tell him it wasn't true, though she wasn't sure why. She didn't have to justify her actions to him; so why did she feel so horrible? As she saw him walking towards his office she was tempted to follow but, knowing the questions that would cause and the danger it posed to her current situation, she thought better of it. After all, what would everyone think if Serena went chasing another man when she was supposed to be "with" Dan?

Against her better judgment, Serena did decide to find Nate. She couldn't let him think that she had been lying to him all this time.

"Nate…" She began. But, instead of saying what was on her mind, Serena copped out and said that she would take on the role as the new and improved Gossip Girl.

She turned to leave but something stopped her.

"I'm sorry," Was all Serena said before she turned and left to go find Dan and continue their charade.

She was sorry? After lying to him for weeks that was all Nate got? An apology? Nate felt like he was going to explode; he hadn't been this angry with Serena since all the lies back when they were dating.

Maybe it was for the best, he thought bitterly. When they were together she had lied and now she was lying again and they weren't even dating. But even as Nate tried to convince himself that this was better, he knew that he couldn't sit by and watch Dan and Serena canoodling every second of every day. He had to tell her, the question was only when.  
>So when Nate got a chance to join forces with Gossip Girl to find out who was trying to kill him, the only question that remained was whether he wanted to risk hurting Serena and making a deal with the enemy in order to find out the truth.<p>

**I hope you guys like it, I didn't have a lot to go with this episode (because the GG writers are terrible and this episode was laughable, at best) but I guess we shall see for the next episode if I can turn it around. I'm trying to work in a good time for Nate to confess but it's difficult because I want to stay as close to script as possible without killing myself writing Derena (gross). R&R, please

**Song Quotes are from Hallelujah: I thought it was appropriate given the God references this episode and how no one is with the person they actually love.


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